Ordinary People by Judith Guest is the story of a dysfunctional family who relate to one another through a series of extensive defense mechanisms, i.e. an unconscious process whereby reality is distorted to reduce or prevent anxiety. The book opens with seventeen year old Conrad, son of upper middle-class Beth and Calvin Jarrett, home after eight months in a psychiatric hospital, there because he had attempted suicide by slashing his wrists. His mother is a meticulously orderly person who, Jared, through projection, feels despises him. She does all the right things; attending to Jared’s physical needs, keeping a spotless home, plays golf and bridge with other women in her social circle, but, in her own words “is an emotional cripple”.
Jared’s father, raised in an orphanage, seems anxious to please everyone, a commonplace reaction of individuals who, as children, experienced parental indifference or inconsistency. Though a successful tax attorney, he is jumpy around Conrad, and, according to his wife, drinks too many martinis.Conrad seems consumed with despair. A return to normalcy, school and home-life, appear to be more than Conrad can handle.Chalk-faced, hair-hacked Conrad seems bent on perpetuating the family myth that all is well in the world. His family, after all, “are people of good taste.
They do not discuss a problem in the face of the problem. And, besides, there is no problem.” Yet, there is not one problem in this family but two – Conrad’s suicide and the death by drowning of Conrad’s older brother, Buck.Conrad eventually contacts a psychiatrist, Dr. Berger, because he feels the “air is full of flying glass” and wants to feel in control. Their initial sessions together frustrate the psychiatrist because of Conrad’s inability to express his feelings. Berger cajoles him into expressing his emotions by saying, “That’s what happens when you bury this junk, kiddo. It keeps resurfacing.
Won’t leave you alone.” Conrad’s slow but steady journey towards healing seems partially the result of cathartic revelations which purge guilt feelings regarding his brother’s death and his family’s denial of that death, plus the “love of a good woman. Jeannine, who sings soprano to Conrad’s tenor…” There is no doubt that Conrad is consumed with guilt, “the feeling one has when one acts contrary to a role he has assumed while interacting with a significant person in his life,” This guilt engenders in Conrad feelings of low self esteem. Survivors of horrible tragedies, such as the Holocaust, frequently express similar feelings of worthlessness.
In his book, “Against All Odds”, William Helmreich relates how one survivor articulates a feeling of abandonment. “Did I abandon them, or did they abandon me?” Conrad expresses a similar thought in remembering the sequence of events when the sailboat they were on turned over. Buck soothes Conrad saying, “Okay, okay. They’ll be looking now, for sure, just hang on, don’t get tired, promise? In an imagined conversation with his dead brother, Conrad asks, “‘Man, why’d you let go?’ ‘Because I got tired.’ ‘The hell! You never get tired, not before me, you don’t! You tell me not to get tired, you tell me to hang on, and then you let go!’ ‘I couldn’t help it. Well, screw you, then!'” Conrad feels terrible anger with his brother, but cannot comfortably express that anger.
His psychiatrist, after needling Conrad, asks, “Are you mad?” When Conrad responds that he is not mad, the psychiatrist says, “Now that is a lie. You are mad as hell.” Conrad asserts that, “When you let yourself feel, all you feel is lousy.” When his psychiatrist questions him about his relationship with his mother, Calvin says, “My mother and I do not connect. Why should it bother me? My mother is a very private person.” This sort of response is called, in psychological literature, “rationalization”. We see Conrad’s anger and aggression is displaced, i.
e. vented on another, as when he physically attacked a schoolmate. Yet, he also turns his anger on himself and expresses in extreme and dangerous depression and guilt. “Guilt is a normal emotion felt by most people, but among survivors it takes on special meaning.
Most feel guilty about the death of loved ones whom they feel they could have, or should