Snow White Once upon a time a Queen had artificial insemination from a massive weightlifter and gave birth to a beautiful little girl named Snow White. The Queen and King of the kingdom loved and cared for Snow White and she was a happy baby. She was a beautiful little princess and everyone loved her; especially her father. He would always come by himself and say goodnight for up to 15 minutes at a time when she was around 2 years old. When Snow White reached the tender age of 3 her mother, the Queen, received a headboard concussion and died a few days later.
Snow White was crushed and so was the King.The King mourned for a month, though, before remarrying an extremely buxom brunette. Unlike her real mother, Snow White disliked her cruel step- mother. The new Queen would verbally abuse Snow White and slap her around if she didn’t pick up after herself or if she made loud noises. The King, ever the protector of his Queen, would refuse to step in and defend his daughter. By age 12 Snow White had really grown into a nearly full fledged woman.
Even at this age finding proper “support” became difficult with a size double “D”. Even she was surprised by the growth; however, no one was more surprised than Snow White’s stepmother. The Queen, even in her younger days, had always had the largest mammary glands in the kingdom.With the sudden growth of Snow White the Queen began to doubt herself. So she went to her magic mirror to ask if she was still the most buxom woman in the land.
“Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the bustiest of them all?” The mirror, as expected replied, ” You are, of course, my most sovereign Queen.” Satisfied, the Queen let the matter settle for a while. As Snow White turns 14 things begin to grow even more and the Queen once again gets very worried. Snow White had now begun to steal some glances that would normally go to the Queen and the Queen became insanely jealous.So she went back to the mirror. “Mirror, mirror on the wall who has the largest mammary glands of them all?” Quite unexpectedly the mirror answered, “Here’s the answer to your test, Snow White now has the largest breasts.
” The Queen could not believe what she had just heard and decided something must definitely be done. The Queen rushed to her plastic surgeon and demanded that he double the size of her already large mammary glands. The surgery goes well but the doctor warns her not to go near open flame or something “bad” might happen. The Queen’s mobility is now extremely decreased and she has trouble moving around.For over 2 weeks she is almost completely bed-ridden. Finally, she puts herself on a strenuous workout schedule and gets back her former mobility. However, in the process she loses a cup size or two.
Feeling very good about herself (and her cup size) she goes to the mirror once again. “Mirror, mirror on the wall who has the most massive mammary glands of them all?” The mirror responds, ” No nips, tucks, enlargements, or rest will keep Snow White from having the biggest chest.” The Queen is now more distraught than ever, and knowing of no other option, decides to find someone to terminate Snow White.She finds a woodcutter who needed money very badly. He still refused to murder Snow White even though he desperately needed the money. The Queen then slammed the door shut and her and the woodcutter had a five minute convincing session (I don’t know what she said to him.). He finally agrees to murder Snow White.
One sunny afternoon the woodcutter and Snow White go out into the forest to pick some berries.The woodcutter, having never seen Snow White up close before, tells her that the Queen has hired him to kill her. He tells Snow White to run away from here because the Queen will kill her when she finds out she is still alive.
Snow White takes his advice and runs deep into the woods. The woodcutter then jumps off a cliff and dies because he knows what the Queen would do to him if he went back. Snow White began to get weary as she wandered through the forest. Finally, she found a small cottage with seven vertically challenged men in the fields.Snow White begs them to let her stay with them. They weren’t really interested in listening to her pleas because they were too busy batting eyes at each other. They eventually agree when she states that she will pull weeds for them. She begins to have back problems from a lack of proper support and from bending over all day to pick weeds, and she just couldn’t figure out why there was only one bed in the house.
Her back problems begin to get worse and worse.Her chest puts an enormous strain on her back and she develops a large lump. The 7 men begin teasing her and calling her a hunchback. Finally, after much complaining, they agree to call a doctor; but only if she keeps working. The 7 men casually spread the word about her problems but never really call a doctor. Finally a prince of an adjacent kingdom hears of the fabled princess and her distress and poses as a doctor.
When he arrives at the cottage and sees Snow White he almost immediately falls in love with her. Finding an old wooden spoon and a rusty butter knife he gives Snow White a crude, but highly successful breast reduction. With Snow Whites breast reduction the Queen now has the largest mammary glands in the kingdom again.
When she learns this she begins to dance emphatically around the room. As she danced friction between her mammary glands causes them to ignite and her to spontaneously combust. The moral of this story is too much of a good thing will blow up in your face.