Personal Look Unto Wellness

.. er or the paints again. Along with the many types of people and one very old Indian man would wake up every morning very early and sit near the edge of camp away from everyone near the front gates. The old Indian man did not talk that much but I remember one day when I was playing I came across this man while I was looking for bugs and lizards. The old man nodded his head and I said hello to the old man.

The old Indian man asked me if I knew how to catch lizards and if I wanted him to show me. I replied affirmatively. The old Indian man got of the rock which upon he sat and slowly moved closer to me and then he asked me to lift a small rock which was next to me and as I did a lizard ran out from underneath but before the lizard got away the old man took his long walking stick and struck down on the lizard to retain it from getting away. He only applied enough pressure to stop, he never harmed any lizard that I knew of and after he caught it he would inspect it and let it go. I never really understood why he would inspect each one but from then on I woke up every morning extra early to hunt lizard with the old man until one morning the old man was not there and when I ask about him no one gave me any answer either because I was to young to understand or because they thought it wasn’t any of my business, but what they did not understand was my special connection to the old Indian man and how every morning we would meet and without words understand each other.

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I understood that he was lonely as I was and hunting lizards was our way of communicating. It made both of us feel better since nobody listens to an old man and a small child. In a way we were both outcast and together we didn’t feel some much like outcast anymore I really do not know what happened, either my mom finished the camp or got sick of it because one day my mother’s mom came and we went to live with her. We did not stay there long and as soon as my mother could, she moved out to an apartment. We moved constantly and all the apartments we moved to were infested with rodents and roaches. Although my mother attended the way to wellness camp she nonetheless continued to use heroin and more problems arose. If I was asked to describe it’s lowest based on the knowledge of my eyes I would say it was when my mother and he friend went to Compton to get her drugs.

The streets were dirty the housing was almost crumbling the mentally ill and homeless wandered the streets, some of them had children. The senses of wellness had been lost and know one cared to find them. I was always very afraid and fearful of the people who inhabited this place. I hated my mother for making me go with her and what made me even more upset was that she would sell my toys to get money so that she could buy her, “temporary wellness”. On one occasion she went to the store with my little brother and she took my brand new red bike that I got for Christmas and my brother took his new blue bike. They left and the trip took longer than usual and I began to get scared and wondered if some thing may have happened to them.

It was getting dark and I was terrified. Finally they returned with groceries but without any bikes. She told me that while they had been shopping that someone had stolen the bikes. I was deeply saddened because I wanted that bike for so long and when I got it for Christmas it was exactly how I pictured it. I didn’t doubt her until I thought about it more.

She knew what that red bike meant to me and if I were there while she traded it for another few ounces of drugs, I would have put up a fight. Then a few weeks later, I was with my mother and her friend and this time we went to a different dealer than usual and he had two little kids. These kids were riding bikes, one blue and one red. I knew these were my bikes because my red bike made a distinct clicking noise when you pedaled it and the kids red bike made the exact same noise. I never trusted another thing my mom said or did to me.

In my opinion it is not a good thing for a young child not to trust his mother because a child is most likely to bond with his mother and feel a connection of trust and love. After I stopped trusting my mother I stopped trusting everyone. Anything any told me from then on I never took to heart in fear that it would be hurt again. It took a long time for me to trust people and realize that not everyone was going to hurt me in mental or emotional way. My mother was finally arrested for theft. My mother her boyfriend, my brother and I were at he mall and my mom was using her drug money scheme.

What you she would do was take something from one department and then go to another departments register and say that she wanted to exchange it or get cash back. My mother’s boyfriend was putting belts under his shirt to take to another store and exchange them but while in the process he was being watched by the security cameras. He exited the mall and security cars and police pulled up in front of us already holding my mother. The store security escorted us up to the top floor of the department store and showed my mother and her boyfriend footage of them stealing. My father’s parents picked my brother and me up and took us to our mother’s parents to which I lived up until recently.

There are for more descriptions of the lack of wellness people contain that I have encountered but I would have to take up twenty more pages. I do not consider myself a master of wellness but at the same time I know I am not an apprentice of wellness rather. I now have a better understanding of wellness and how it should and shouldn’t be achieved. I suppose the best way to recognize whether or not your succeeding on your road to wellness is to analyze the steps your taking to get there. If your wellness is based on short intervals and long sacrifices that cause harm then your wellness is not the wellness that can be benefiting.

If your wellness is based on an over-all benefiting way of life then your have a conceptual image of what you wellness is.