Meeting the People of What?
The People of What, where can I begin? Out of all of my strange experiences, this adventure was one of the most puzzling and frustrating.
It all began when I decided to be the head surgeon on another boat. I was thinking, “Hmm all the other times I’ve been on a boat, I’ve experienced some things that made me seem crazy to others, wrecked my life, made my wife leave me for some dirtball doctor, and made me virtually insignificant to my son, it probably won’t happen again”.Of course I was dead wrong and I found myself fighting the sea for my life once again. Despite my harsh luck, I managed to salvage some things from our wrecked ship. Some of the items included: a knife, a pocket watch, a pair of glasses, and a twig.
I reached land in about a day. When I reached shore I looked up upon this small island, it looked beautiful. I just wanted to sit on the beach and look up at the desolate trees that were swaying. I could not handle all of this beauty; it knocked me out, literally. When I awoke I noticed that some of my things had been moved about. Each item was placed in a navigational direction: north, east, west, and south. I also was aware that my hands were placed in the direction, northeast. I collected my things and began walking, I must have walked for quite awhile because when I left, the sun was just overhead and when I thought to check again, the sun was already even with the horizon.
I noticed something covered with shroud, it was a sign in English but it did not make sense to me. Upon further investigation I learned that the sign must signify a warning of some sort, for there was a hole right behind it. Just then I did a 180 as I heard something behind me. Sticks were cracking and rocks were being thrown around. At first I thought it was the Witch of Blair, but then I remembered that the witch was always drunk and even if she was capable of harming anyone she wouldn’t be much of a threat, stumbling around and stuff like that. I started to laugh I could make out what was making the noises, it was a mime. Jeez, they’re everywhere these days, and they don’t even pay taxes. I knew that mimes don’t talk so I ran up to him and started making signs with my hands. After a few minutes the mime stuck up his middle finger at me, I thought to myself, “What a strange sign, I think it is a greeting of some sort”. So then I stuck up my middle finger at the mime. I guess I was right because he signaled for me to follow him.
This was one of the fastest mimes I’ve ever followed and believe me I’ve followed some fast mimes in my day. We arrived in a village, actually it wasn’t really a village because land in villages is divided in small portions, but these people had huge land plots for themselves. As we were walking one of the first places I saw was a strange looking building, it had some sort of off-shoot to it that had two doors. Inside this smaller building were two machines of some sort and a middle aged man was spraying water on them to wash off soap. I told the mime that I’d be right back and then I proceeded up to the man.
I greeted him with the sign the mime taught me and said, “Excuse me sir, would you mind telling me what this contraption is?
“Jigga what?” Replied the gentleman.
I repeated the question and again he replied “Jigga what?”
I decided to not waste my time any further, flashed the gentleman the sign once more, and proceeded on my way. I progressed a few feet until I was pushed out of the way by the mime. At first I was angered, but then I discovered that the mime had saved my life, as one of those machines raced by at a high speed with lights and noises coming out of it.
At the end of our little excursion, the mime led me into another strange building. This building seemed like a pub of some sort. In fact I knew it was a pub because I saw the Witch of Blair kicking back a few brews with her buddies, Princess Diana, and Montel Williams. I flashed them the sign the mime showed me a few times because I really like them. The mime and myself then entered a smaller room with a colored man in the center of it. He seemed really important, I wanted to show him that I respected authority so I said to him, “Jigga what?” then I flashed the greeting sign. Before I knew it the man took out some sort of object and began beating me with it (when I felt where he hit me later, the indentation felt like it said Louisville Slugger, but I wasn’t too sure about what it actually said). The man stopped beating me after a few minutes, actually I lost track of time after the 135th time he hit me with the object, so I could be a little inaccurate about the time that passed.
My companion, the mime, picked me up off of the ground and dragged me into the main hall of the pub. I told him I wanted a couple shots of brandy, but since my mouth was badly wounded, the mime thought I said I wanted a shot at Bobby, who was this big guy who liked to inflict pain upon people for a good laugh. The mime signaled Bobby over and he then proceeded to punch me with this metal thing he had on his fist. The mime was having a good time, he was silently laughing, drinking imaginary drinks, and he even pretended to be drunk.
I realized that these people that I have encountered were unlike any other people I have come across in my lifetime. They have been influenced by something called rap. This rap causes people to be violent and say stupid things that don’t make sense like, “Ghetto Superstar reaching for the stars”. These people wore extremely large clothing with bright colors and logos that said FUBU and Lugz on them.
Unlike other adventures where I wanted to learn about the people I came across, I wanted nothing to do with these people. This place wasn’t for me; I just wanted to return home. I remembered that I saw one of those contraptions moving faster than I ever could, at that point I decided to get myself one of those machines. I noticed a place that had a metal thing around it that contained several of these machines. I talked to one of the gentleman inside and asked about one of those contraptions. I pointed out one of them, which they called a Ford Cobra-GT. The man who was helping me asked what I had so buy it with. I showed him my pocket watch, which I knew wasn’t worth much, but I showed it to him anyway. The man showed it to another man and then said to me, “Yo this thang is tight, yo, How much you want for this kid?” I just told him that I wanted the car and he made it seem like I was losing on the deal.
After long instruction by the guy, I learned how to operate the machine. I pulled out of the town and traveled as fast as I could to the shore. I looked in the portable mirror in the machine and saw that the contraption with the light was behind me, so I pulled the car to the right a little. A man with a uniform got out of the machine and walked up to me.
He said something like, “License and registration, please.”
“License and registration?” I replied. The man seemed really angry with me for some reason.
“Sir, step out of the car” he said.
I pleaded with the man, I told him that I was in a hurry and that I was a friendly person. To prove I was friendly I flashed him the sign the mime showed me. The man then ripped me out of the car and put metal things around my wrists then he threw me in the back of his “car”. He took me to this building, where they provided me with living quarters (with bars for doors) and fed me once a month.
I must have stayed in this place for many years because when I returned home everyone I knew was dead and my only son was married. I warned him about marriage, less than 50% of all marriages work these days, but he never listens to me!