Monique Abdelsayed

9/10/04
Sanity is over rated
“Who am I?” A strange question, I am not sure if I can answer that. Let
me instead take you on a journey to see how my heart guided me in so many
directions. These events and actions that brought me to where I am today.

I was in private Catholic school for twelve years, throughout all my
years in school I cannot remember a day that I felt getting up and going to
school was going to be anything but complete torture. I was an outcast; I
spoke to absolutely no one, being picked on because I was the only Egyptian
any of these kids had ever met, I was beat up, spat upon, you name it; like
I said torture! It took quite a long time to adjust and come to the
realization that it really had nothing to do with me; it was the ignorance
of my classmates.

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Then came high school, a whole new experience. I whole-heartedly
thought it would be different. I was somewhat social in High school but did
not have any interest from the boys in school. Then some thing every 15 yr
old girl with a low self-esteem wants came to me, a boy’s attention. There
was a problem with this boy though; he was 21 yrs old, this should have
been the warning sign saying “RUN!”, but it wasn’t. I also later found out
he was homeless and jobless (a legit job, he was a drug dealer). It was the
basic idea that a boy thought I was attractive. Nonetheless, by the third
month of dating this boy I was pregnant. This I think was the scariest
thing I had ever faced, but I followed my heart. I didn’t tell anyone till
my third trimester so that no one could influence me or convince me to get
an abortion. When the news finally came out, it was a great disappointment,
dishonoring my parents. I don’t think my dad has ever looked at me the same
since that day. I was only fifteen I didn’t realize what I had gotten
myself into.

The months passed by very quickly, before I knew it I was almost 6
months pregnant. By this time it was about mid March 1996. I went to my bi
weekly Dr. appointment, but there was a problem, it seemed my baby had a
very weak heartbeat. My heart dropped into my stomach, I was terrified. I
can still smell the sanitized air in the exam room when the doctor told me
that there was a problem. I just kept asking, “What have I done, what have
I done? ” I was totally hysterical. The doctor and nurse held me down and
gave me a sedative of some sort; I was kept in the hospital for
observation. Truthfully it gets really fuzzy after that. The next thing I
remember is being in labor. I remember hearing my voice echoing in the cold
white room, it seemed like the longest two days of my life!
On March 17, 1996 I gave birth to a baby girl, unfortunately she was
unable to experience the gift of life that we all take for granted. I was
devastated. You can imagine what this can do to a woman who has a husband;
I was alone to deal with my first child’s death. My greatest struggle was
not being able to properly burry her, she deserved more then that. I was
told not to name the baby, but I did, her name was Yasmine. It took me
about a year to recover and at least look normal to the rest of the world.

I finally snapped out my deep depression, after two suicide attempts,
several therapy sessions and the countless incidences of running away from
home. I realized that what I needed was to get back on track like a regular
teenager. As if after all the drugs and trips to the hospital I could ever
be considered “normal”.

I never did go back to school, well at least not to high school. I did
however get into Job Corps, which is a government program that teaches
teens and adults (17-24) a trade (carpentry, electrical, clerical ect) they
can also study and get their GED. This is what I did; I received my GED
within the first month of attending. I had decided to leave early because I
new that I had a much greater purpose in my future. After several years at
a Community College going absolutely nowhere I decided it was time to move
forward with a new approach.

After contacting several schools I came to the conclusion that Devry
offered the curriculum that I needed. I am currently a Computer
Engineering Technology major. Ultimately, I want to go into the product
development field. I know that education can only do so much, but right now
I am taking my heart to a new place again, this time I have faith that my
desires whether it be material or spiritual are within my reach. To travel
around the world, to be financially stable, as well as having peace of
mind. Maybe even have a family some day (if God permits.)
After several years of fear, restraint and avoidance, I have followed
my heart once again, setting long-term goals with hopes to achieve and
exceed them. Maybe following your heart isn’t a bad thing. The key is
choosing wisely and making sure to follow through that makes all the
difference.

Thesis: The last paragraph