M&M’s Whenever I get a package of plain M, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M duels. Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the loser, and I eat the inferior one immediately.
The winner gets to go another round.I have found that, in general, the brown and red M are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength.
In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3×5 card reading, Please use this M for breeding purposes.
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M. I consider this grant money. I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament.
From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion. There can be only one. Sports and Games.