When exactly is it in life when you expect that your becoming an adult? For me I think I’m still in transition. I am ready for the real world but I still trying to get use to being responsible. I got a job for the responsibility and to make money but when I should be accounting for how much money I make I simply slack off. In fact I don’t even do it. I should also be saving but I can’t even do that. Once I get my check I am ready to spend it and regret it later when I’m broke. There have been many times when I had to resort to the change in my ashtray for gas money.
Growing up is something that I look as bittersweet. It’s great that that I am going to have responsibility and have more control of my life, but I also scars me. What if I fail? What if I make those bad decisions? I’ve never been a very responsible person, I look to other for help and for guidance but I am going to have to start doing it on my own. Responsibility isn’t hard but its something I have to get use to. Having a job is great. You have money, you have responsibility but I can’t say “Well, I don’t feel like working today so I’m not going in”. It is a commitment and maybe that’s something that I had a problem with simply because a feeling of being trapped. The feeling that you have an obligation that you must keep.
Not all commitments are negative. A lot of these commitments help you grow as a person. The best example of that is a relationship of mine. This relationship has help me grow in so many ways, it is the best thing that has happen in my life. I have learned that youre not the only one that matters in the world and as soon as I got into this relationship I all of a sudden reset my priorities. I look at what really mattered to me, and I put myself at the bottom. Its not because I had no self-esteem or I wasnt worth it but because there are things in life that are more important than just myself. I became more considerate. I’m still not as considerate as I would like to be but I’m working on it. I put the people that were the most important to men at the top because I knew that they would be there for me when I needed them. I may not have always been there for them but they are still there for me because they really care about me. Even if we got into a fight an hour ago, those people are willing to drop for the sake of you and your feeling and that is truly when you know that you are loved.
A problem that I was only able to see in retrospect is that I never really a good listener. It’s one thing to hear something but it’s another to just listen for many people (mostly guys). A lot of the time people just want you to listen and understand them, not try and fix it. They want you to understand what they are taking about and you cant really focus on what they are talking about and trying to figure out a way to solve it at the same time. I doesnt take much to listen. There are a lot of time when people just want to tell you what’s on their mind, whether they have a problem or not. Its a feeling everyone loves. Being heard. Being able to know that someone can see it the way you see, knowing someone can relate.
Another big problem that I had was that I never was really open with people. I never shared my problem with the people that cared about me. I simply felt well; its my problem. I should deal with it. Why burden anyone else with my problems? But what I didnt see was that I was hurting the people around me. When you know something is wrong with someone and they wont tell you, you will feel rejected. You feel like this person obviously doesnt feel comfortable with me, and that’s why they wont tell me whats wrong. You might even feel a sense of responsibility for what’s wrong with that person because you don’t know if its because of you or not. The main feeling though is hopelessness knowing that because this person doesnt open up to you, so you cant help them because you dont know whats going on.
Why exactly am I writing this? Why am I letting people know what I went through? Simply because I wont like anyone making the same mistakes I did. I had though live though this. I put people around me, people that cared for me thorough this. If I can go back I would defiantly do things differently but then I know I really wouldnt have learned anything. In life you have to live to learn. Unless youve been through it, you wont learn from it. You wont know what it really feels like to be in the situation simply be hearing about it or reading it. You have to experience it first hand and deal with it yourself. Its pretty much pointless for me to say these things but you should be aware that they are out there.
I think that is a sign of growing. Begin able to see you, your life and your problems in retrospect. Staring at the world in my rear view as Tupac once said. Seeing where you messed up and learning from it so you dont make the same mistake twice. Being able to see thing from a higher perspective, not just your own. I havent lived very long but I do know that life is a series of ups and downs; peaks and valley. You have to learn to embrace those peaks and live through those valleys, if you want to be happy. Everyone goes to hard time but always look for brighter days or that light at the end of the tunnel. Try to find the good in every thing even if its really hard to do. If you tired and its only second period just remind yourself that you only have four more periods. If your dead tired at work just be happy the you have someone or something to go home to and just be happy about the little things in life because those are the ones that matter the most. Life is beautiful, enjoy it.