Domestic Violence

The t-shirts used in the Clothesline Project are made to show that effects of violence are very prevalent in our society.

Each t-shirt hung in the project is decorated by a victim, family member of a victim, or a friend of a victim who has experienced some form of violence in their life. Every shirt that is hung in the ballroom contains a color that represents a different type of violence experienced by each individual person. For example, white t-shirts are used for those that have died because of violence. It is estimated that a woman will become battered on an average of every 10 to 12 seconds in the continental United States.The t-shirt I observed was a red shirt.

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This shirt symbolized a child that had been a witness to violence in her own home. This shirt displayed a child’s face on it, where one of the faces looked like they were in terrible fear and sadness. The shirt then contains a statement that says, “It takes time to go from suffering to happiness.

” The next image I see is from left to right. The child’s face changes from a sad face to a face that has become happy and smiling; a face that has healed over time. The child is not fixing a physical pain, but a mental image and mental recollections of the event that she had bore witness to.I found this experience to be very profound. The constant gong, whistle, and bell began to make me feel that I almost had moved back in our society. Why do we have a society become so violent and angered that they need to take it out on others? Maybe perhaps it is the influence of television, monetary issues and family relations. We, as a society, have to do something to prevent further lives from being affected or lost.

There are help lines available for people that have been affected, but the majority of people are not reporting these events to law enforcement, and that could possibly be because they fear for life or some other extenuating circumstance. Not reporting the issue(s) is not going to help society at all. These people need to stand up for their rights, and do something about these issues. The problems are not going to go away, but only grow bigger, if something is not done to resolve them.

Domestic Violence

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it is, temporarily, until tension builds and the cycle repeats itself. During the build up phase, the victim knows all too well where the verbal attacks are leading. She can see the dark side coming. As the tension grows, the gradual descent into hell begins, paved with sarcasm, put-downs, insults, and humiliation about her ability as a mother, a housekeeper, and a lover. The woman, in a desperate attempt to avoid the inevitable, usually goes into a survival mode.She swallows her own outrage and caters to her man’s every whim. She tries, at first, to avoid the inevitable by pacifying him, making sure nothing upsets him, doing little extra favours. It’s hopeless, and the fists fly, or an abrupt backhander sends her reeling.

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And, sometimes, sensing that it is unavoidable, she may even provoke him, just to get it over with. During an assault, the victim quickly realizes that escape is futile.She usually dissociates. Women describe leaving their bodies with their mind. A surrealistic state of calm may occur during which the wife experiences the abuse like a slow-motion movie. This may be coupled with a sense of disbelief, a sense that the incident is not really happening to her. After the violence, the victim’s reactions are similar to those who have experienced a natural disaster.

These typically involve emotional collapse within twenty-two to forty-eight hours after the catastrophe and symptoms of post-traumatic stress such as listlessness, depression, and feelings of helplessness. Victims tend to isolate themselves for some time, in an attempt to heal and to avoid the shame that accompanies having their injuries detected by friends. Frequently, battering occurs when assaultive men are inebriated, and they often blame the violence on alcohol. In general, assaultive men have very high alcohol use scores. Alcoholic men experience depression and anxiety – so-called dysphoric states. Alcohol is one of the common ways they learn to suppress and blot out these uncomfortable feelings.

So is anger. Since these individuals experience the dysophoric feelings as a function of their personalities, and since alcohol is a disinhibitor – that is, it relaxes one’s inhibitions – what results is a volatile combination of unhappy, angry men who have lost all restraint. This puts them at an even greater risk for violence. Alcohol and anger clear out depression but unfortunately, they do so at great cost to the drinker. Like alcoholics who haven’t confronted their addiction, batterers are in denial, minimizing the seriousness and frequency of their violence and their responsibility for it.It is a mistake to blame alcohol for the violence. When people say, “The alcohol made me do it,” they’re blaming one symptom – violence – on another – alcohol. These are both aspects of an abusive personality.

So, while there is an association between alcohol use and violence, one does not cause the other. Both are traced back to an earlier aspect of the self. One’s personality is formed much sooner than one learns to use alcohol or to hit.Children can be hurt simply by seeing parental violence. The parent uses criticism as a means of control, so no matter what the child does, the parent will find something to criticize.

The child becomes an outlet of frustration, a scapegoat for all that is wrong with his parents. This is a corrupting way for alcoholic parents to justify and ventilate their own inadequacies. Sometimes when children see abuse, they have nightmares and trouble sleeping.Little children and even older children may wet the bed.

Children may also have trouble in school, even getting into fights with their friends. Or, they may retreat into silence and stop playing with their friends. Sometimes children who are abused take out their anger on pets and sometimes may even kill them. Sometimes they become very passive and quiet and always seem sad.

Abused children have confusing feelings. They feel trapped and guilty that they may be responsible for the violence. They also feel ashamed that this is happening to them.

At the same time, many abused children feel loyal to their parents. They want and need attention and love, and they deserve it.When the person who is supposed to love them hurts them instead, they may feel it is because they are bad. Abusive parents are often very cold to their children. Some children want attention from their parents so badly that they confuse getting hit with getting attention. An abused person feels like a hostage. She feels afraid, alone, and trapped. When children are abused, if someone comes to help them, they may cling to the person who is hurting them.

These children do not like being hurt, but they want and need attention and love from their parents. They think the parent who is hitting them doesn’t love them. They think they are hit because they are bad, so they cling.

In some cases, the abused child unconsciously identifies with his abusive parent. After all, the abuser looks powerful and invulnerable.Abused women may also feel trapped. They may lack money or a safe place to go, and they don’t want to leave their children. They may even be afraid to leave because they think the abuser will find them and hurt them worse. Today we know that there are many non-violent ways to punish a child or to disagree with adults.

Violence is a choice people make. Only the abuser is responsible for this choice, and nothing a child or an adult victim does causes abuse.And, there is little a child can do to stop or prevent abuse. That is why there are services to protect and support victims of abuse. It is against church laws to cause intentional harm to any other person. Domestic violence hurts all areas of the church. Violence against women breaks the fifth commandment.

It is a sin, a crime, and a serious social problem. The government is against domestic violence. Common assault can be dealt with either as a serious offence (called an indictable offence) or as a less serious offence (called a summary offence). The sentence may be a fine, a jail term, a discharge or probation. It depends on the seriousness of the assault.The judge may choose one or more of these penalties. For example, the judge may fine the offender and place him on probation. The offender will have a criminal record.

When child abuse is reported, a child worker looks into it. If there is serious danger, the child is removed from the home and placed with a family that will keep him safe. When the child is no longer in danger, the child worker can help the family learn how to deal with its problems in a better way.Today, battered women and children can seek help. They can live on welfare or go to a shelter for abused women. These shelters help each family start a new life where their abuser cannot find them. The women and children learn that abuse is not their fault and about equal rights.

The shelters help women find jobs and safe places to live.The children learn to solve problems in ways that are not violent and most important, they learn that not all men are violent. In our society, strict ideas about how boys and girls should behave can cause trouble. This kind of thinking, about what is right for boys and girls, is called “sexism”. Today many professional counsellors are trying to teach people how to avoid this kind of thinking.

They can also help people to change their feelings about the things that are right for boys and girls. The more we learn about respecting the rights and the independence of all others – boys, girls, men, women, wives, husbands, children, mothers, and fathers – the easier it will be to keep family violence from happening.Human Sexuality.

Domestic Violence

Domestic ViolenceBy: Kris HudsonEach day, the statistics on domestic violence get more and morehorrifying. A woman is beaten every 15 seconds, 22 to 35 percent of emergencyroom visits from women are because of ongoing partner abuse, 1 in 4 pregnantwomen have a history of partner violence, and 63 percent of young men betweenthe ages of 11 and 20 are in jail for murdering their mothers abuser. Alsodomestic violence is the leading cause of injuries to women between 15 and 44.All these statistics prove that domestic violence is a big problem in ourcountry.Battering in a relationship is the establishment of control and fearthrough violence and other forms of abuse.

The batterer will use acts ofviolence and goes through a series of behaviors, including intimidation, threats,psychological abuse, isolation, etc. to control the other person. The violencein the relationship may not happen often but it remains a hidden and terrorizingfactor.There are many people among us that are battered or have been battered.This problem is very sensitive and embarrassing.

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Some indicators that a womanis being abused are:the woman mentions not being able to use the phone she cannot see friend unless her significant other is aroundher significant other will not let her drive, get a job, or go to schoollook for low self-esteem like she is unable to make eye contact or she always looks away or at the ground when talkingSome indicators that a male child is being abused are:serious problems with temper tantrumscontinual fighting at school or between siblingstreating pets cruelly or abusivelyattempting to get attention by hitting, kicking, or choking with female children:withdrawal (not obvious)cringing if you raise your armBatterings in the home usually don’t start out with abuse. The spousewill use verbal abuse, hit objects, throw objects, break objects, and makingthreats. When these actions start, in almost 100 percent of the cases, thesignificant other resorts to battering. After the woman gets sick of thebattering and decides to leave he will almost definitely try to get her back.There are five different ways he will try to get the woman back.

One way is forhim to bribe the woman into coming back, this is known as the honeymoon syndrome.The superdad syndrome is used when kids are involved and he has neglected themin the past. He will tell her that he will be a great dad if she returns.Another is known as the revival syndrome he will say that he has been to churchevery Sunday since the woman left and say that he has accepted god into his life.Next is the sobriety syndrome, the woman will think if he stops drinking hewill stop beating me. The last is counseling syndrome, he will say he has beento counseling and will not beat her anymore when about one percent actually goto counseling.What all this means is that we have a big problem on our hands thatneeds to be addressed and taken care of immediately.

This cannot go on anylonger unnoticed.

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