DO NOT NOTIFY MY MOTHER. SHE HAS A HEART CONDITION”
This, the last words of a suicide victim, Steven H., the 500th jumper from the famous Golden Gate Bridge.
Early on in Steven’s life, extending back to his genital or adolescence stage, he was not very involved with school activities or sports, and had minimal friends. He did show signs of anger but failed to express why his anger existed. Many had blamed the absence of his father in his life, who had divorced Steven’s mother when he was 3 years old. Steven’s father has had no contact with Steven since the age of 3 years.
This, I believe, was the root of Steven’s anger during his adolescent years. Being ignored by his father probably made him feel unworthy and useless in life. As with many males, he had a hard time expressing his feelings to others. Even tough many had tried to befriend him , Steven probably thought they too would leave in time and ignore him.
The only one to understand him was his mother. To her, he could do no wrong. Her love was unconditional. This has been a strong mutual love between him and his mother. He often blamed himself for his parents not being together and his father not being a part of his life. His father only existed from a financial standpoint, but not a personal level.
It seemed Steven wanted and liked to love others, that is why he had mentioned his mother in his note, the only one who he felt really loved him and had been given a chance to love her back.
I feel he did have a problem receiving love and loving himself because of his father’s lack of acknowledgment of him. He just could not repress the memories of all those missed opportunities of a father-son relationship like a normal child. After all the broken friendships and relationships, he began to fall deeper and deeper into depression as his peers left him behind and could not be bothered with him. They went on to college and full time jobs, while he could not hold onto a part time job with only his mother behind him. Self actualization would never be because of his lack of self esteem or belonging. Safety as well as physiological needs were all missing. Steven’s hierarchy of needs are the necessity to love himself, which none were existent. He was in denial that it was his father’s fault , he felt it was all his fault. He was not very popular or famous, but ultimately he could be the 500th person to jump. Which was a much anticipated but morbid event awaited by many. He even went so far as to stencil “500” on the shirt he wore the day he died. As to almost say to everyone who never gave him a chance and those who forgot him, “You will remember me now.”.
It is obvious Steven had an abnormal childhood causing deep psychological problems. Something many of us take for granted is our children’s lives. Many of us lead busy lives with hectic schedules, too busy to take time for them. We all need to take time for our families, especially for our children who sometimes will act out because they are in desperate need of our attention. See the signs, prevent a situation from escalating, as what might very well have been what happened in Steven’s case.