Self-evaluation is definitely the most difficult type of criticism to receive. When you are
hearing your faults from other people they usually go in one ear and out the other. When
you take a step back and realize for yourself that something needs to be changed within
your personality, is it when you truly do something about it. I have a problem with
allowing myself to become attached to girls that I have crushes on. I dream about how
things could be and I imagine a relationship inside my head far before there is even a
chance. I also tend to take any sign of affection as a girl having a thing for me. These
behaviors are what need to be changed, it has become detrimental to my social life and
something needs to be done.
I do not think I can explain why I do this, but I will try and do so anyway. I have
had one girlfriend in my life time, that is it. I went out with her for a little over a year
from the time I was 15 until I was 16. That was pretty much from the summer of my
freshman year up until the summer of sophomore year. I have had many, many crushes
since then but none of them have gone anywhere, and this is due to my problem. When I
meet a new girl I start to talk to her and hang out with her until I feel that something may
be possible with her but I guess I am not very good at judging when things are right and
when they are not.
After that I will try and move in the direction of starting a relationship but in the
process I tend to fantasize that things are better than they are and I see us being happy and
that she will be my girlfriend. This always tends to pose a problem because it ends up that
I like this girl a whole lot more than she likes me. This not only scares girls but it also
makes me feel bad. The conclusions I draw from these experiences are that I am either
ugly, undateable, or that a girl like this would just never go for a guy like me. That always
makes me feel depressed.
What I can do to change this behavior I have was to first acknowledge that I had
it. After admitting it I can try and realize what I am doing before I let myself get in too
deep with a girl and hopefully not mess everything up and get myself hurt. Another option
I have is to maybe talk to a counselor about how I feel and listen to what they say and
have them help me be able to handle these simple relationships.
With enough help and by realizing this problem that I have, I feel that I should
hopefully be able to have a normal relationship or at least not obsess over girls anymore. I
would love to be able to just meet someone and have a normal, meaningful relationship
without screwing it up. When I meet a new girl I will just try and be her friend and not
assume anything until there is conclusive evidence to prove that she digs me back. I can
not keep assuming things with girls and liking them way more than they like me.
Never again will I allow myself to fall so hard for a girl, it hurts too much to have
to take the pain over and over again. No one will get me like this again, I have learned
and now it is time to change.Words
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