A Modest Proposal

Since the beginning of the 19th century, America has had to deal with the on going
problem of drugs. Were surrounded by them everyday, whether we realize it, or not.

The evening news is filled with stories of crack heads killing each other as well
innocent standers- by in a fiendish attempt to find drugs or money to buy drugs.

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Perhaps you may recall reading the morning paper only to find that another teen has
been found dead in an attempt to sale drugs as a way to quick and easy money. Surely
every true American as heard a story or two or four about majordrug cartels paying
off police chiefs, judges, and even some members our beloved American government.
I think it is agreed by all Americans that this terrible substance must be
controlled, and by who else than the great government of the United States of America.

Certainly, all those masterminds can find some kind of a way to deal with this ever
increasing problem; after all, we are talking about the same government that allows
murders, who are defined as menaces to society to sit in penitentiaries for years
while they use societys tax dollars to take care of these individuals.
The solution to this drug problem can be solved quite easily by looking in
retrospect at the history of this grand nation. Every rule, every law, and the very
essence of this country has came about through our humane ability to compromise.

When the first Americans did not feel like tending to their land, the government
compromised with Africans and slavery was born into the United States. In another
instance, when white women became a bore to white men a compromise was made
between white men and black women, and a mulatto was born that was neither
excepted by his white father, nor his black mother. Can one not see that yet another
great compromise is at order? It is time yet again for the government to make a
compromise that appeases the minority and glorifies the majority. Why not make the
use of drugs legal in America? Surely all Americans will love this compromise!
The legalization of drugs will make for a better economy. First, more imports and
exports will be coming into and out of the country. America can import drugs from
countries such as Tiajuana, and Brazil, and apply to them a flat rate tax. In exchange,
America can export illegal immigrants to these countries as indentured servants,
therefore maximizing the economy while lowering the amount of people on welfare.

Secondly, President George W. Bush will have solid ground for means of his trillion
dollar federal tax cut. This will be made possible by implementing a 16.25 cent on the
dollar federal tax on all drugs sold in America. Subsequently, the legalization of drugs
will make for bigger government, which will in turn grant more power to Big Tobacco.

Therefore allowing the amount of drugs imported and sold per annum to be regulated
by Big Tobacco. Thirdly and most important, the nation will have more wealth. This will
be made possible not only by the previously mentioned strategies but also by the
advertisement and use of slogans created by the government and Big Tobacco to make
the use of drugs more desirable. This wealth will also be achieved by applying the
principle of supply and demand. Big Tobacco will start out selling a small amount,
ensuring a high demand, in order to charge outrageous prices. Once the dollars start
rolling in, the supply will increase, but price will remain the same.

This idea will be well conceived all over America! Drugs will be sold in every
grocery store on the same aisle as the other herbs and spices. There will also be a
marijuana flavored Kool- Aid mix. Drugs will be sold in all convenient stores and gas
staions in a display case, so everyone who enters will be aware of the Buy 2 Sacks,
Get 1 Free Sale. Purchases can also be made at Mc Donalds, Blockbuster, all AMC
movie theaters, Walgreens, and Eckerds. The latter of which will match all competitive
prices of the others. The more popular drugs will be sold as an after dinner condiment
On the outset of the acceptance of this idea, one will find that the number of
drug related deaths will be at an all time low. Americans will have lower taxes and all
the drugs they could ever ask for. There will be no need to sneek around street corners
at night to snort cocaine, or to inject heroine. Soon, everyone will be smoking weed
instead of raising champagne glasses to ring in the new year. Soon, doctors will be
prescribing PCP and angel dust to patients for depression instead of paxil and prozac.

Oh, and pregnant women need not worry about their children being barre babies or
crack babies, because… well all be crack heads.


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